if you know me well enough i've probably informed you that im a sperm bank baby. what is that you ask? well it goes like this, my mom got married one time but divorced. later she decided that she wanted a child and if she wasn't married by somewhere in her 40's she was gonna do it on her own. so she is still unmarried so that shows that she went to a sperm bank where they put the seed junk in a jar and some special fridge and you look at all the documents on each one so you know what your getting. so my mom went there, picked out what seed she wanted, and had the doctor put it in her. i want to tell you that it wasn't through sex because the seed belonged to the doctor that helped my mom. however, there is more to this. there is also a paper that tells whether the father even wants to see you. luckily im allowed to see my biological father but not until age 18, and thats gonna be a long time. but at least im lucky to even get to meet him, some others don't even get names. my mom says we have a file on him but it doesn't seem like she cares because i asked her where and she said she told me already which was probably half true since she only told me years ago. so i had to get frustrated and ask her and she simply said "in the file cabnet"....."um.....which one?'' is what i said and for some reason i got "garage" which just pissed me off but whatever. i actually don't think i want to look at them like the other half of my being so easily, so im deciding to wait until im 18 when i go on my journey to find and meet him. i have no idea how it will be but i know i will cry because its hard to find out who helped u to live. if you have read this, the only person i want you to share this info with is me. not only that i want you to think about how hard it is and how i've been seeing things. my biological father is somewhere on this earth yet i know so little of him and there hasn't been a single father like character around me......i never got to even meet my grandfather, my mom's dad. sometimes i want to ask her what it was like having a father but i feel weak when it comes up to almost pass through my lips. it just seems so unfair. for myself its even difficult to talk about my biological dad......dad....its such a stray word to my vocabulary. and don't ask about my uncles because they're more like brothers to me. same with my older cousins, they're like brothers, all of them, i want to take care of them all. this is all so strange to me about having a father that even though im so unhappy, the tears won't fall.